I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can
I've been thinking about moving on lately. Moving on from the past and what that means. What does moving on entail? I'm tired of my past haunting me. Night terrors, nightmares, and flashbacks. I am powerless over having them and I don't know how to make them stop. What am going to do once I'm living with someone? How am I going to explain waking up in a cold sweat, breathing heavy breaths. I certainly don't want to freak anyone out... especially my partner. But I guess she'll have an idea of my past before we wind up living together. And I'm not sure if I've even met her yet so I shouldn't be worrying about any of this now.
Moving on from the past means forgiveness and the resolve to let go. To let go and let God... I feel like I'm dancing as fast as I can and it's still not fast enough. I feel like I'm trying to catch up to my potential and I've been holding myself back. No one holds me back but myself. I am my own worst enemy and critic. I've self-sabotaged myself so many times I can't even count. But I've never been a quitter and I don't plan on quitting now. I refuse to let my past take over and destroy my today's and my future. Something inside of me has been trying to tell me that I'm worth nothing. I have to do whatever it takes to shut that voice up. It has been a corroding thread in my life much like fear has been. It doesn't help to wallow in worry or fear. I'm tired of being scared.
And so I digress. I am making up my mind with the help of God and her/his/it's guidance to move on. To forgive not only the people that have hurt me in my childhood but to also forgive myself. Forgive myself for spending so many years not loving myself or my inner child. For not nurturing my spirit. For not allowing myself the freedom to live the fullest life that God has always had in store for me. I feel like I am at a crossroad and I choose life. I will not give up on life, my dreams, the love in my heart or my God because my God would never give up on me.
Moving on from the past means forgiveness and the resolve to let go. To let go and let God... I feel like I'm dancing as fast as I can and it's still not fast enough. I feel like I'm trying to catch up to my potential and I've been holding myself back. No one holds me back but myself. I am my own worst enemy and critic. I've self-sabotaged myself so many times I can't even count. But I've never been a quitter and I don't plan on quitting now. I refuse to let my past take over and destroy my today's and my future. Something inside of me has been trying to tell me that I'm worth nothing. I have to do whatever it takes to shut that voice up. It has been a corroding thread in my life much like fear has been. It doesn't help to wallow in worry or fear. I'm tired of being scared.
And so I digress. I am making up my mind with the help of God and her/his/it's guidance to move on. To forgive not only the people that have hurt me in my childhood but to also forgive myself. Forgive myself for spending so many years not loving myself or my inner child. For not nurturing my spirit. For not allowing myself the freedom to live the fullest life that God has always had in store for me. I feel like I am at a crossroad and I choose life. I will not give up on life, my dreams, the love in my heart or my God because my God would never give up on me.
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