Loveless in Los Angeles
Love comes when you least expect it. Don't look for love and it will come. I've heard these words for many moons and never thought they would impact me on such a personal level. The idea of these sayings seemed to me easier heard than done. I mean I've gone years, 4 to be exact, not looking for love; content with God's love and the love of my friends. Content to spread my love en masse to my family (AA, Ocha and biological), to my friends, children, animals and strangers I meet along the way. But I found that I was never content on loving myself with the same passion. Always leaving my own need for self love in the dust. Until recently, I did not love myself.
Over the last few months and if I'm honest with myself, for a lifetime even, I have been on this journey toward self love. Daily affirmations of self love. Contrary action in self loving self talk. And I'm happy to say, I'm changing... I'm changing into the woman I've always wanted to be. Someone who is patient, tolerant and forgiving of one's self. Someone who takes the time out to wrap their arms around themselves and say, "You are love." I am that person today. I am no longer loveless in los angeles or anywhere else for that matter.
And because of that self love I have attracted the most beautiful woman in the world into my life. She is like the sun and moon colliding into each other creating a force so strong that I fear I will lose my breath. My balance has been shaken and I am off kilter. My heart has opened like it never has before in such a short amount of time. I feel as though I have known her for ages and yet that is not the case. She smiles as though she has a secret in mind that the rest of the world is not privy to. She smiles with her eye's; they sparkle brilliantly with intense soulfulness and depth. She is lovely, deep and true. This journey called life has just gotten very, very interesting. We shall see what happens as our worlds intercept. We shall see...
For now, I am standing in my truth, not running in the other direction for fear that I will not be enough for someone's passion. For fear that I am not enough to warrant someone else's love. I'm standing still with my eye's wide open in my heart but closed in my head, meditating on the possibility of love.
Over the last few months and if I'm honest with myself, for a lifetime even, I have been on this journey toward self love. Daily affirmations of self love. Contrary action in self loving self talk. And I'm happy to say, I'm changing... I'm changing into the woman I've always wanted to be. Someone who is patient, tolerant and forgiving of one's self. Someone who takes the time out to wrap their arms around themselves and say, "You are love." I am that person today. I am no longer loveless in los angeles or anywhere else for that matter.
And because of that self love I have attracted the most beautiful woman in the world into my life. She is like the sun and moon colliding into each other creating a force so strong that I fear I will lose my breath. My balance has been shaken and I am off kilter. My heart has opened like it never has before in such a short amount of time. I feel as though I have known her for ages and yet that is not the case. She smiles as though she has a secret in mind that the rest of the world is not privy to. She smiles with her eye's; they sparkle brilliantly with intense soulfulness and depth. She is lovely, deep and true. This journey called life has just gotten very, very interesting. We shall see what happens as our worlds intercept. We shall see...
For now, I am standing in my truth, not running in the other direction for fear that I will not be enough for someone's passion. For fear that I am not enough to warrant someone else's love. I'm standing still with my eye's wide open in my heart but closed in my head, meditating on the possibility of love.
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