I'm A Good Woman
I've surmised that when I'm getting close to someone I eventually begin to feel the need to pull back. My mind starts up with a bunch of "bullshit". I don't know if it's my alcoholic mind or just the result of bad upbringing. It's been years since I've dated and it's been a lifetime of not having a lady in my world whom I feel an electric connection with. So this is all new to me. I've met someone and I must say, I've never felt this way before and I'm scared. My feelings have a mind of their own with her and they are taking me for a ride and I'm not the driver... I'm being swept away.
My mind is playing tricks on me. It's telling me that I am not enough. Not pretty enough. Not sexy enough. Not successful enough. Not interesting enough. I am not desirable enough. I am not enough to keep someone interested in me for the long haul. And as I'm writing this I see that how ridiculous that is. Once again I'm realizing that my head is not my friend. I'm a good woman! I cook and clean. I'd do anything to make my lady love satisfied. I'm attentive and a good listener. I'm kindhearted and compassionate. I'm a cheerleader for her dreams and ambitions. I'm caring and considerate. I'm not a jealous person and I'm respectful that she has her own life and friends. I want to make her happy. I'm safe. I'm a sweet soul. I'm a good woman and will make a good girlfriend and one day a good wife.
Why then does my head tell me something different. All the negative verbiage that goes through my mind are old tapes from the past. They tell me self-defeating things like "she will get sick of me after awhile and realize that I don't turn her on anymore". I have to remember that I am powerless over people, places and things. I can only ask God to help me stay in the moment and do my best to be a good friend. I can only ask God to help me to be myself; be exactly who I am and know that it is good and I am enough. She is enough for me, exactly as she is. She is beautiful in every way. I'm enjoying getting to know her everyday that goes by. Why wouldn't God put someone in my life that feels the same way about me. I definitely didn't go looking for her. She just popped into my life one day. She wasn't looking for me either. It feels like it was tailor made by a Higher Power. There is no other explanation for "us".
She's one of the sweetest persons I've ever met. She's sexy and sweet. She is carried by passion and loves God. She makes me laugh and brings joy into my life. She is patient with me, reliable and honest. She is kind to me and tells me "sweet nuthins". She's a genius with her gift of music and very smart. She is an amazing human being. Anyone would be blessed to be with her and should thank their lucky stars!
She is a gift. When she left this morning I thought two things. The first being I hope I get to see her again soon; I miss her already. The second being (the beginning of the negative thoughts) I wonder if she's glad to be leaving me? Today I will take contrary action and not let my negative thoughts get the best of me. I will take this journey with my lady love one day at a time and enjoy the moments. And even though I feel like she's the one in control of this trip, which makes me feel vulnerable, I choose to cherish the ride....
My mind is playing tricks on me. It's telling me that I am not enough. Not pretty enough. Not sexy enough. Not successful enough. Not interesting enough. I am not desirable enough. I am not enough to keep someone interested in me for the long haul. And as I'm writing this I see that how ridiculous that is. Once again I'm realizing that my head is not my friend. I'm a good woman! I cook and clean. I'd do anything to make my lady love satisfied. I'm attentive and a good listener. I'm kindhearted and compassionate. I'm a cheerleader for her dreams and ambitions. I'm caring and considerate. I'm not a jealous person and I'm respectful that she has her own life and friends. I want to make her happy. I'm safe. I'm a sweet soul. I'm a good woman and will make a good girlfriend and one day a good wife.
Why then does my head tell me something different. All the negative verbiage that goes through my mind are old tapes from the past. They tell me self-defeating things like "she will get sick of me after awhile and realize that I don't turn her on anymore". I have to remember that I am powerless over people, places and things. I can only ask God to help me stay in the moment and do my best to be a good friend. I can only ask God to help me to be myself; be exactly who I am and know that it is good and I am enough. She is enough for me, exactly as she is. She is beautiful in every way. I'm enjoying getting to know her everyday that goes by. Why wouldn't God put someone in my life that feels the same way about me. I definitely didn't go looking for her. She just popped into my life one day. She wasn't looking for me either. It feels like it was tailor made by a Higher Power. There is no other explanation for "us".
She's one of the sweetest persons I've ever met. She's sexy and sweet. She is carried by passion and loves God. She makes me laugh and brings joy into my life. She is patient with me, reliable and honest. She is kind to me and tells me "sweet nuthins". She's a genius with her gift of music and very smart. She is an amazing human being. Anyone would be blessed to be with her and should thank their lucky stars!
She is a gift. When she left this morning I thought two things. The first being I hope I get to see her again soon; I miss her already. The second being (the beginning of the negative thoughts) I wonder if she's glad to be leaving me? Today I will take contrary action and not let my negative thoughts get the best of me. I will take this journey with my lady love one day at a time and enjoy the moments. And even though I feel like she's the one in control of this trip, which makes me feel vulnerable, I choose to cherish the ride....
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