Down My Path Of Golden Trees
I'm at a crossroads and I've chosen my path. I surrendered yesterday to God's perfect will. It's never easy for me to do. I've done it many times, surrendered, and it's always followed by a miracle. I know a miracle is on it's way. I just don't know when it will come, what it will look like or what it will be.. The older I get the more I am amazed at how resilient I am. Before I let go of something I've been holding onto so hard, I'm scared. The thought of not having something or someone I want in my life is terrifying to me. But the minute I let go and surrender, this peace comes over me. Yes, I may cry over the loss, but I've given it to my Higher Power and I can now breath. I am safe in God's ever loving arms.
I had a taste of something bittersweet and it was better than I'd ever had before. It was harder than it should have been, but it was intertwined with sweetness. It felt good at times and that's what I chose to hold onto. The sweetness of it all. I hadn't been touched in so long; or held. I just didn't want to let that go. I've come to realize how tender I am. How special I am. I need someone soft and understanding. But I didn't know that until I had the chance to be close to another humanbeing. I always had liquor to buffer my feelings and emotions. But I don't have that anymore. I got to see how glaring my issues are. And I got to see that it's going to take an extraordinary woman to be with someone like me as I am healing and growing. At this point I need a lot of reassuring and I don't know how good that is, but that's what I need.
I've been so jaded. But somehow God has kept me sweet. That's the one thing about myself that I am proud of; my sweetness. God has blessed me with this gift of seeing the God in others. Of seeing the sweetness and beauty in others. I just have to learn to see it in myself as well. God has blessed my heart with an abundance of kindness and compassion and love. I'm telling you, I shouldn't be this way. All my innocence and joy was taken from me growing up. I still question the validity of someone's kindness toward me, but I have not been hardened. I am not cruel and emotionally paralyzed. I am open and loving and a free spirit. I am strong. When I fall, I dust myself off and get up again. I don't give up on myself or anyone else. But sometimes you do have to close a door. Sometimes you do have to walk away. And it's not easy to do. To get to the truth, you sometimes have to close the book and look within.
So I surrender to God's perfect plan for my life. I surrender to the fact that I may only ever have God's sweet love to nestle up to. And that has to be enough. God has to be enough. I shall ask for no more than that. I will trust that the omnipotent, creative Universe will always give just what I need on every single day. I let go. I let God. I trust and I begin walking again down my path of golden trees.
I had a taste of something bittersweet and it was better than I'd ever had before. It was harder than it should have been, but it was intertwined with sweetness. It felt good at times and that's what I chose to hold onto. The sweetness of it all. I hadn't been touched in so long; or held. I just didn't want to let that go. I've come to realize how tender I am. How special I am. I need someone soft and understanding. But I didn't know that until I had the chance to be close to another humanbeing. I always had liquor to buffer my feelings and emotions. But I don't have that anymore. I got to see how glaring my issues are. And I got to see that it's going to take an extraordinary woman to be with someone like me as I am healing and growing. At this point I need a lot of reassuring and I don't know how good that is, but that's what I need.
I've been so jaded. But somehow God has kept me sweet. That's the one thing about myself that I am proud of; my sweetness. God has blessed me with this gift of seeing the God in others. Of seeing the sweetness and beauty in others. I just have to learn to see it in myself as well. God has blessed my heart with an abundance of kindness and compassion and love. I'm telling you, I shouldn't be this way. All my innocence and joy was taken from me growing up. I still question the validity of someone's kindness toward me, but I have not been hardened. I am not cruel and emotionally paralyzed. I am open and loving and a free spirit. I am strong. When I fall, I dust myself off and get up again. I don't give up on myself or anyone else. But sometimes you do have to close a door. Sometimes you do have to walk away. And it's not easy to do. To get to the truth, you sometimes have to close the book and look within.
So I surrender to God's perfect plan for my life. I surrender to the fact that I may only ever have God's sweet love to nestle up to. And that has to be enough. God has to be enough. I shall ask for no more than that. I will trust that the omnipotent, creative Universe will always give just what I need on every single day. I let go. I let God. I trust and I begin walking again down my path of golden trees.
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