I Will Swallow It Whole

I come home and unload. Wash my hands, look through mail and burrow into the sofa. An hour into my return I have a vivid thought. I see people I know cooking dinner and talking about their day, being there for each other. I think.....I feel so alone. I have no-one. I am all alone sitting here, eating. It is so quiet. I am all alone.

But what is there to do? There is nothing in this moment to change my "aloneness". I must swallow it whole. I did not feel this loneliness yesterday, or 7 days before. I may not feel this loneliness tomorrow. So I will swallow it whole.

I am stronger for it. I am independent for it. I hold my hand and stroke my womb and kiss my arm - and I'm more whole for having had no softness and comfort. I have literally swallowed my body and heart all my own. I am surrendered of it and my eyes close in acceptance to this solitude.

By Erika L. Ganier