Are You There, Journal, It’s Me, Erika: number two

Dear Journal,

I remember way back in 2000 hearing a woman say that she had been single for 18 years (at the time I’d been single for two years) and I thought, oh my god, I can’t even imagine. No ways would I want to be single for that long. I remember it so clearly. I remember her—long, straight brown hair, glasses. Well, I’ve been single for 23 years and I feel like a freak. I feel exposed, vulnerable. Does anybody notice this about me? Do my neighbors—where I’ve been living since August 2010–notice I receive few visitors? The other night, trying to fall asleep in my darkened bedroom, I was listening to the podcast, The C Word, on Luminary (my favorite spot to catch my favorite podcasts) and Lena Dunham and Alissa Bennett were talking about Dare Wright dying alone in her 80s in a senior home after having been single her whole life. I sat up in my bed and whispered, “That’s me!”