Yesterday

I reached the end of a corridor
Yesterday.
I came to a door
And I watched my hand reach forward
Not quite aware that I was even moving
Not fully aware of what I was doing -
That I was no longer still.

On yesterday
I touched the brass knob
That cold metal somehow reminding me
that I was all alone.

Yesterday..

My eye's were fixed on something new,
as I witnessed my turning of the knob
As if I was outside myself,
Watching this whole scene unfold.

Slowly.

Not quite convinced that anything extraordinary was taking place
No clear idea of what I would find on the other side...

I found that my opposite hand had been
Seemingly
Mindlessly
Digging into my chest,
Trying (desperately)
To reach my heart.

Not looking
But feeling
My sticky fingers
Covered in my blood
And running down my arm
Dripping from my elbow.

My heart was quiet
My breath silent

I felt something sharp stuck inside my heart.
It pricked my thumb.

My eye's remained fixed on the brass doorknob.
Observing, without even one blink, it's slow release.
My other hand feverishly trying to work out that Something sharp
Buried inside me.

But I would not look down
As I finally grasped a hold of it.
I felt it.
I grasped hold of the sharpness
Stuck in my heart.

I pulled at it
To free it
And it loosened.

I pulled at it..

And just then, the door that stood in front of me,
Where my eye's had been fixed upon..
Opened.
I saw light pouring out from every crack
And I did not see my heart
Because I wouldn't look down.

But I felt it.

I finally moved my eye's away from the door
And all this light
That was coming from the other side
To the hole I'd made in my chest
Where inside
My heart lived quietly.

I pulled out what had been lodged
Inside my heart.

Blinking
Squinting
Held between my bloody fingers
Blood that was turning from red to black before my very
Eye's.

Blinking
Squinting
I brought it up close to my
Eye's.

I saw what it was
That which had been stuck inside
My heart.
Stopping it's beat.

It was a shard of course fear.
I sucked in my breath without a sound, staring at it and suddenly
With no warning
The light
On the other side of the now opened door
Blinded me.

It was so bright...
And the shard of fear fell from my hand.

I listened as it shattered.

I heard a beat.
That first beat.
Coming from inside of me
From the center of my heart
Beyond
The core of my soul.

It sounded like music...to me.
That I had never heard before.

I felt my legs move
Through the entrance of the door
Dripping blood in my trail
Blinded by this
Light
That somehow felt like an old friend..
It was calling me.

I walked toward the Light
And I knew not where I was going
Or what I would find.
I could not see anything.
Not even my heart.
But I felt it.
My heart.

That was yesterday.

By Erika Lynn Ganier