By Heart

I care. It is my breath to care. But when I reach to touch your back at the moment when you are most vulnerable, I remember.. I remember that my hands are fire and I wonder if I'm hurting you. I want to hold you, but I remember that my arms are not safe. And I'm always wondering if I'm hurting you. I walk toward you and I say "Hello". My eyes meet yours, but I stop mid-motion to remember that my gaze is not inviting. I remember I am too dangerous, too dirty, too broken to be near to. And I wonder why my head tells me so? And then.....I recall the words by heart. She had lit candles and anointed each doorway with olive oil, while he sat in that chair in the corner enveloped in light-less shadows. They both said to me, "You are possesed by a demon." I was 13, and I remember.