Twelve: Part One

     I was half naked, no shoes, and the peddles were cutting into my feet. But I felt no pain. As I rode, I noticed couples were taking their evening walks, some holding hands. Dusk descended upon the neighborhood and other than the Colonel, they all seemed to be unaware of me.  He waved as he left my orange house down the front walk. He waved to me. The Colonel seemed to not notice that I was barefoot and wearing next to nothing. I didn't wave back.

The pink panties that went with my babydoll pajama set, began to ride up my crotch, threatening to slice me in two. But I felt no pain. I heard barking coming from behind me. I recklessly turned to investigate, noticing our family dog Gumbo chasing after me. Peddling even faster, as fast as my legs would bare, I rode for my life. And as I quietly tried to calm my own hysteria, there just wasn't any time to stop and calm my dogs. I felt that if I had stopped, it would be the death of me.

Every inch of my body shook, my heart was beating hard against my chest, and I felt like I was floating out of my body. The last hour must have been a dream. No... a nightmare. It was a nightmare and I felt like cutting my jugular; bleeding out all of the shame and nastiness that lived inside me and swam over my skin like blood hungry leech worms. The darkness was everywhere. I felt so dirty. Scream! Scream! But no sound came out. All I heard was my husky breath and a squeak in the gears. Breathing. Squeak. Breathing. Squeak. I was now trapped inside of myself; strapped in, no longer floating.

The carport was empty when I finally got to Miss Shirley's house. I jumped off and let the bike topple over and crash. A few moments later Gumbo came running up the driveway, his barking was now replaced with loud panting. It didn't look like anyone was home. I walked to the back of the carport and slowly slide down the back wall till my bottom touched the cold, oil-stained concrete. I sat there shaking with my knees brought up under my chin and my arms wrapped 'round my legs. As Gumbo trotted toward me, I felt a measure of relief. He stopped suddenly, staring at me and panting. "Gumbo, come here Gumbo!" He just stood there staring and then as fast as he came, he was gone. My heart sank.

Sitting there in the darkness with the cold concrete freezing my bareness, I contemplated what to do next. Unexpectedly I began to cry, which quickly turned into sobs. My insides were twisting, and I felt so completely lost and alone. I was empty. My bare feet were now throbbing. I felt the pain.

Without even realizing it, I had gotten up. My zombie state came to with me picking up my sister's blue and silver schwinn. In my desperation and urgency to escape, I had grabbed my sister's bike instead of my own. I turned back to look at the house. It was quiet and dark. There was nobody home. He might come looking for me here. I had to hurry. I climbed onto the bike and sped away, nearly colliding into a coconut tree. I had to hurry. I had to make it to the church.