With A Smile On My Face
I was born in New Orleans, Louisiana and I'm proud of that fact. I wasn't always... I ran out of New Orleans in March of 1996 for the bright lights and big city of LA. And I mean that literally; I ran the hell out there! I felt like I was being suffocated and held back living in New Orleans. My family has lived there for generations and generations. They don't know anything different and they don't want to. But I've always been a dreamer, a wild child, a freedom fighter, a bird... A bird meant to fly away to many different places and locales. When I was there, I felt like I just couldn't breath properly. But I have a new found love, passion and appreciation for my hometown. I miss it often and think about it regularly. I have been living in LA for over 15 years now and it feels like home to me. But New Orleans will always be my heart.
I was born in New Orleans on October 12, 1970. Because my dad was in the Marines, we soon moved, two weeks later, to California. My immediate family lived the life of nomads and tripped around in Florida, California (a couple of times), Hawaii (a few times) and Washington DC among other places. We were a military family and moving around was our life. So I wasn't raised in New Orleans, however we did spend summers there throughout the years. Until, that is, my parents divorced in 1987. My mom, sister and I moved there permanently from DC. I was devastated to say the least. I loved DC so much. I went to a performing arts high school and there I felt I had finally found my people. I had friends, the arts and the city life I'd been craving for so long. It broke my heart to have to leave that all behind.
So I came to live in New Orleans with a chip on my shoulder and a resentment the size of Philadelphia. I was depressed and forlorn and hopeless. My life was over. I was so dramatic... But in true Erika-form I soon realized there was nothing I could do about it at that moment in my life and so I acquiesced and got into some acceptance. Plus it finally hit me that my dad would no longer be living in the same household as me and for the first time in my life, I could let out a sigh of relief. I was safe from him, but not so safe from the negativity and daggers shooting my way from my mom's lips. But I saw it as the lesser of two evils.
Once I graduated and moved on with my life,http://twitter.com/lovegarnier the seed of my love of New Orleans was planted. Once again I had friends; real friends, whom I'm still friends with to this day, 20 years later. I became connected to my creole roots; the language, the food, my family, the music. A love affair began to blossom. But I have to admit I was fighting my own personal demons the whole time - with a smile on my face no less. I was getting steady acting work, writing plays and directing; I was having a blast! I was also doing way too many drugs and drinking way too many cocktails. My liver was screaming! I couldn't live with the memories of the past. I couldn't live life on life's terms. Friends were dying of AIDS at every turn. I was having daily nightmares and flashbacks. I hadn't developed any coping skills and so drugs and drink were my refuge. And that's all my cohorts ever did - partay. What else is there to do in New Orleans but party... I know now that there is way more to do in life.
So to say the least, that is why I ran out of there. But unfortunately I didn't know then what I know now. And that is that geographics don't work. When you're running away from "something" you take yourself with you and the real problem wasn't New Orleans, it was me. So the problems followed me to LA. And what happens between then and now is several other blog entries! But a las I have come to believe in a Higher Power who has always loved and carried me. I no longer want to be drunk or out of control. Though I have to ask myself, am I ever in control? I answer with a resounding no. I have the power of choice today which is a blessing ten fold and I have the free will to make decisions based on not only facts but my heart too and also based on God's glorious will for that matter. Life is good... It's filled with promise, hope, adventures, journey's, joy and love. And I'll always have New Orleans... I am one lucky girl!
http://twitter.com/lovegarnier
I was born in New Orleans on October 12, 1970. Because my dad was in the Marines, we soon moved, two weeks later, to California. My immediate family lived the life of nomads and tripped around in Florida, California (a couple of times), Hawaii (a few times) and Washington DC among other places. We were a military family and moving around was our life. So I wasn't raised in New Orleans, however we did spend summers there throughout the years. Until, that is, my parents divorced in 1987. My mom, sister and I moved there permanently from DC. I was devastated to say the least. I loved DC so much. I went to a performing arts high school and there I felt I had finally found my people. I had friends, the arts and the city life I'd been craving for so long. It broke my heart to have to leave that all behind.
So I came to live in New Orleans with a chip on my shoulder and a resentment the size of Philadelphia. I was depressed and forlorn and hopeless. My life was over. I was so dramatic... But in true Erika-form I soon realized there was nothing I could do about it at that moment in my life and so I acquiesced and got into some acceptance. Plus it finally hit me that my dad would no longer be living in the same household as me and for the first time in my life, I could let out a sigh of relief. I was safe from him, but not so safe from the negativity and daggers shooting my way from my mom's lips. But I saw it as the lesser of two evils.
Once I graduated and moved on with my life,http://twitter.com/lovegarnier the seed of my love of New Orleans was planted. Once again I had friends; real friends, whom I'm still friends with to this day, 20 years later. I became connected to my creole roots; the language, the food, my family, the music. A love affair began to blossom. But I have to admit I was fighting my own personal demons the whole time - with a smile on my face no less. I was getting steady acting work, writing plays and directing; I was having a blast! I was also doing way too many drugs and drinking way too many cocktails. My liver was screaming! I couldn't live with the memories of the past. I couldn't live life on life's terms. Friends were dying of AIDS at every turn. I was having daily nightmares and flashbacks. I hadn't developed any coping skills and so drugs and drink were my refuge. And that's all my cohorts ever did - partay. What else is there to do in New Orleans but party... I know now that there is way more to do in life.
So to say the least, that is why I ran out of there. But unfortunately I didn't know then what I know now. And that is that geographics don't work. When you're running away from "something" you take yourself with you and the real problem wasn't New Orleans, it was me. So the problems followed me to LA. And what happens between then and now is several other blog entries! But a las I have come to believe in a Higher Power who has always loved and carried me. I no longer want to be drunk or out of control. Though I have to ask myself, am I ever in control? I answer with a resounding no. I have the power of choice today which is a blessing ten fold and I have the free will to make decisions based on not only facts but my heart too and also based on God's glorious will for that matter. Life is good... It's filled with promise, hope, adventures, journey's, joy and love. And I'll always have New Orleans... I am one lucky girl!
http://twitter.com/lovegarnier
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