People That Look Like Me

I really needed to connect right now, so I'm watching the BET Hip Hop Awards. This is a great year for the show because all honorees are women: Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, Lil Kim, and Salt n Pepa featuring Spinderella. I just needed to watch something positive, highlighting in good light, of people that look like me.

I'll be honest with you, I'm struggling y'all... This is not something new. Racism has always been a part of my life. Jabs on media, in classrooms, from friends is nothing new. But y'all I feel like I woke up from a sleep when Sandra Bland was murdered. I feel like I woke up during my last semester of taking Women in History. All that I read and learned last semester. How had I not known this?!

My head is spinning. My head is so sore y'all. I got my rage in one corner, my hurt in another, I got God over there, I got the people of other races telling me, "Don't be angry. Love Forgive, I got my holistic friends saying meditate, pray, LOVE. I've got anxiety from all those voices in their respective corners, while I live the anxiety of being me. In this body. When I shop. When I'm listening to friends give their well-meaning or degrading comment about the race issue. I'm overwhelmed. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to feel?

I pray. I meditate. I go in LOVE. But I'm so overwhelmed. I'm feeling. I feel.