Wild And Free

I would post up all night staring at the ceiling, ruminating of where I went wrong and where to go next. I’d stare at my bedroom door praying and hoping it would not open. If you ask me that's some heavy thinking for a 10 year old. I should have been playing and giggling. Instead I lay worrying that I wasn't good enough, hating myself with every fiber of my being, steadily and futilely trying to please the world.  Feeling lonely within myself,  living in that dark world,  I managed to escape into books, my poems, and worked at disappearing through my floorplans, but the truth I lived would always creep in. There was no escape,  no reprieve from my hell. No child should have known such terror and unhappiness. 

I find myself, now, soothing my inner child, loving her, comforting her fears. She is so unsure of everyone and everything at times. I hold her tight and tell her that she doesn't have to forget, that she probably never will, but that I'm moving on. I'm moving on and taking her with me.  Gracefully, courageously, clumsily... Magnificently. We move forward. Me and my precious inner child are powerful. We are wild and free. I won't doubt my wings anymore. 

Erika L. Ganier