Our Babies Are Gone / Tears Stain Everything

“Is my baby gone?” My Maite is not here. What has happened to my baby? I cannot breathe anymore. I cannot feel my heart.

I can’t feel myself. Something’s wrong. Oh, God, what’s happening? God, please, no… “Where is my baby, Miranda? You tell me where she is!”

“I want my baby back. Please. I want to hold my love, my Layla. I need to see her run with the sun warming her face and her aura of joy filling up every space in sight! God, please!

(The tears pool at our feet.)

I cannot stop crying. I cannot find my baby. Bring my Lexi back to me. God. Please. Please! “Something is wrong. I feel it.”

“I don’t understand what is happening. Why aren’t you breaking down the walls with your bare hands?!!” You’re my baby. You are the love of my life. Tess? There you are. This is not a dream…

I cannot be myself without you, Nevaeh. “Please, God, no, no, no, no, no, God please, no.” God please. Help me hold my baby.

Makenna, I just held you, baby. I touched your hair; I did. You were just in my grasp. “This can’t be…”

My eyes are blinded with my Jayce, my sweetheart. I can’t see anything but you baby. “Why is our child who ran with the wind at his back just yesterday not here with us today running with the wind at his back?!!”

Jailah, my beautiful baby… I don’t think I can breath without you. “Where do I go? Oh, okay. Umm well, Jailah had the gift of dance. She was also talented. And, she always worked hard. Umm, I hate that I have to say, Had. I don’t feel like I can live through this…”

            (our tears stain everything)

Roje, my beautiful nephew, I… “Rojelio was smart and helpful and hardworking, he was interesting and unique. And, he should be here!!! (yelling) Sorry, not sorry.”

I feel you, my precious baby girl. I know you are right here next to me. “They did nothing to save our Ellie!!! Ellie was smart and a leader, she was kindhearted, excelled at cheerleading and basketball. She should be here!! This is all wrong!”

You come back to us Jose! Please, baby, you come back to me right this instant. “Jose was a kind and helpful, and compassionate little boy. He was smart, inventive, and athletic. I wish I could just say, “You come back to us now” and he’d just come back to us, now.”

“Her name is Eliahana. That’s E, l, I, A, H, A, N, A. Did you…? There’s an A after the H. You forgot the A after the H. Her name is Eliahana.” Eliahana, baby? I’m holding you. Do you feel me, sweetheart?

“I don’t see Jacklyn. Jacklyn?! Where is my baby?!!” I smelled you baby, when I walked out the bathroom just now. I smelled you my sweet girl.

“Get my baby!!!! Get my baby!! Get my baby!!! Get my baby!!!! Get my baby!!!” My sweet Annabell, you can’t be gone… 

“No. This can’t be. My baby, no. No, no, no, no…” You’re not my blood brother, Xavier, but you might as well be, because you are my family. You’re my little brother, and your laughter should be filling this house. Your Energy though, is felt in every single inch of this place.

“My baby, Amerie was a kindhearted young humxn. She died helping her classmates.” Baby, I just want to be able to hold you right now. This is not fair. This is a nightmare. I miss you, sweetheart…

“Alithia, is an artist. I feel angry, so angry that my baby’s dreams have been upended. I want her here with me…” Sweetheart.

“Uziyah is a kindhearted kid with an awesome Hot Wheels collection. I mean, was a… Well damn, this sucks man… I can’t breath, I’m so angry.” Sweet baby, this ain’t fair. You should be here with us! We miss you so much, sweetheart. None of this seems real…

No sé bebé... No creo que pueda respirar sin ti bebé.  No puedo creer que ya no podré abrazarte.  No puedo creer que no estés aquí.  "Esto no está ocurriendo.  Por favor, Dios, tráenos a mi Irma de vuelta.  Por favor Dios."

¡Papá, esto no puede ser real!  mami!!  ¡¿Por qué no siguen vivos?!  ¡¿Por qué está pasando esto?!  ¡¡Esto es tan injusto!!  Los necesito a todos, y quiero decir que realmente los necesito, mami y papi.  “Estoy un poco entumecida.  Siento que no estoy en mi cuerpo.  Tengo miedo, mami y papi”.

Mommy, I know you can hear me. I know you’re with me. You were in my dream just now. We were singing a duet at karaoke—Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. We were so happy, and at the end you pulled me close and whispered, I’m not going anywhere. And then I woke up, just now. You’re with me, mama; I feel you. “My mom, Eva Mirales was brave and kind. She was loved.”

                              **************

     I cannot help that my tears stain everything.

                       My tears will not cease. 

They are my reminder that we are nothing to these ungodly people in power playing for wealth and control of our lives and the lives of our babies. We will vote them all out, and we shall never cease to stand up to and to battle these demons—in this life and from beyond our next life. Together, we will crush them all.

(Monologues, including quoted sentences, are fictional.)

             POWER TO THE PEOPLE.

I have written this in dedication to all the precious victims who’s lives were taken violently, soullessly, prematurely, without God’s permission; in Uvalde, in Chi, Nola, East LA, Mississippi, Nyc, South Central, Orlando, Columbine; from the times of my Ancestors enslavement to precious Miah’s will to survive and the trauma she must now battle. This is you. This is in honor of them and all Freedom Fighters—from before, now, and to come. God Bless Us All. — Erika X

Maite Yuleana Rodriguez🦋

Miranda Mathis🦋

Layla Salazar🦋

Alexandria “Lexi” Aniyah Rubio🦋

Tess Marie Mata🦋

Nevaeh Bravo🦋

Makenna Lee Elrod🦋

Jayce Carmelo Luevanos🦋

Jailah Nicole Silguero🦋

Rojelio Torres🦋

Eliahna "Ellie" Garcia🦋

Jose Flores Jr.🦋 

Eliahana Cruz Torres🦋

Jacklyn Cazares🦋

Annabell Guadalupe Rodriguez🦋

Xavier Javier Lopez🦋

Amerie Jo Garza🦋

Alithia Ramirez🦋

Uziyah Garcia🦋

Irma Garcia (teacher)🦋

Joe Garcia (Miss Irma’s soulmate and husband)🦋

Eva Mireles (teacher)🦋