Will you rock me /My Heart is Weeping

My mama needs me to be okay; she's always needed me to be okay.
I am unable to retch and release these leaden bricks stuck in my throat; (but my heart is weeping...)
Disoriented and heavy; I am carrying three-times myself.
Groaning.
For days upon days upon days upon.....
I smile. Until I wince and crack.
And scream.
And crumble. Under my skin.
(I smile.)
No one can see me. No one can see. I’m real.

I spend my days wondering why can't I focus. Why can I not think of what to say.

I feel so heavy.
Will you rock me?

(I've never been a soft and innocent child. Have I?)

Am I fading into a weeping heart. Make it stop.