The Big C: Call Me Crazy

Last month on January 22nd I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, which actually turned out to be Uterine Cancer. I'm not the best at processing major events. There tends to be a disconnect, a sort of..."flat line". I felt that click in my mind after Dr. Twu, my gynecologist gave me the news. The click of "emotions off - action mode on". I didn't wince, I didn't cry. I began asking the prerequisite questions: What's the stage of the cancer? Will I need surgery? After surgery, will I need radiation and chemo? What happens next?

Since that appointment, it's been a virtual whirlwind. Everything transpired very quickly. CT scan, appointment with my new cancer doctor, d & c/biopsy surgery, full abdominal hysterectomy surgery and this Thursday I meet my Doctor to discuss pathology report and the start of my treatment.

Throughout this journey I've kept pretty much positive. The action mode "click" switches on when it needs to and I allow myself to feel the waves of emotion as they flow. And of course there are the blessings and lessons to come out of this experience. I've had to ask for help over and over and over again. Let me repeat that. I've had to ask for help. For me, that is no small task. Especially having to ask for help when it's not always convenient for the other person. From being driven to hospital for a surgery at 5 in the morning to being driven to the emergency room on a Saturday night to having my trash put out. Call me crazy but I do not think it's coincidence that I'm having to ask for help over and over and over again.

If I've ever questioned whether or not I have any true friends, I've received my answer. I do. And they've really shown up for me like I've never experienced in my life or thought possible. I'm feeling what I'm not sure I've ever felt before...being taken care of on a deep and meaningful and physical level by another humanbeing. It's a strange and wonderful feeling.

I've said this before and I must say it again; no matter what the circumstance or challenge, there is always a blessing or blessings to be had. Even if it's waiting in the wings for later, it's there. And each day, as always; even after January 22nd, I feel ever thankful and ever grateful and ever blessed.