Nobody's Girl
My heart is heavy. I've been sitting here meditating and I've just realized that at the age of 40 I'm nobody's girl. I've never been someone's girlfriend and it breaks my heart.. Forget about wife, just a simple girlfriend would suffice at this point. A part of me feels like I'm not fit to be anyone's girlfriend. I'm unemployed. I'm not a college graduate. I don't have a car. I realize that's just the outside stuff. But my character and heart don't seem to make up for what I'm lacking on the outside.
I began to wonder if I will always be alone. What a waste that would be. I have the biggest heart of anyone know. I'm open-minded, accepting, patient, understanding, generous and caring. I see the God in others. I feel like I've wasted my youth and years being single and alone. I've had a taste of passion recently and I find it so sweet and lovely. What if no one else can awaken the passion in me that she has? It's never happened before, what if it never happens again?
It's hard to think about because I've been so consumed with finding a job and worrying about that, that I have no emotional strength left over to think about matters of the heart. I believe that God's desire for all of us is to partner with another and be happy. I can't seem to give up on that belief. I don't want to imagine otherwise. So hopefully soon I will be working somewhere and going to school, taking my mind off people, places and things and being nobody's girl. I feel sad but not defeated. Thank God for that..
I began to wonder if I will always be alone. What a waste that would be. I have the biggest heart of anyone know. I'm open-minded, accepting, patient, understanding, generous and caring. I see the God in others. I feel like I've wasted my youth and years being single and alone. I've had a taste of passion recently and I find it so sweet and lovely. What if no one else can awaken the passion in me that she has? It's never happened before, what if it never happens again?
It's hard to think about because I've been so consumed with finding a job and worrying about that, that I have no emotional strength left over to think about matters of the heart. I believe that God's desire for all of us is to partner with another and be happy. I can't seem to give up on that belief. I don't want to imagine otherwise. So hopefully soon I will be working somewhere and going to school, taking my mind off people, places and things and being nobody's girl. I feel sad but not defeated. Thank God for that..
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